(hbr.org)
When You Think You’re Doing Good Work — But Others Don’t
You work long hours and provide your customers and cross-functional stakeholders the best possible thought leadership, service, or guidance — only to learn you aren’t perceived as the rock star you believe you are. Perhaps the project you nailed wasn’t as well received as you thought, or you flawlessly executed a change but didn’t bring senior leaders along the journey at a pace they could digest.
When your manager or colleagues give you feedback that doesn’t align with how you perceive yourself or your work, it can be a major blow to your confidence, self-esteem, and motivation. It can also have a devastating impact on promotions, merit increases, and your overall career trajectory with the company. But it doesn’t have to lead to a negative outcome.
As difficult as it is to hear, learning how you’re perceived can provide an opportunity for self-improvement and professional growth. Here are five steps you can take to change a negative perception of you or your work.
1. Reflect on the feedback.
Any negative feedback stings, but feedback that doesn’t align with who you are at your core can hurt even worse because you feel misunderstood. How you react to the feedback and what you do afterwards will impact your career trajectory at the company. Your first instinct may be to rebut, defend, or explain the behaviors that led to the feedback. But perceptions don’t change because of explanations or more information; they change over time after you adjust your actions and behaviors.
Therefore, your first step is to reflect. Stop. Breathe. Let the emotions out to a therapist, coach, or friend outside the company. Then take some time to step back and try to objectively assess the feedback as if it wasn’t about you, but instead a colleague or a friend. Pretending for a moment that the feedback is about someone else will remove the emotion and allow you to view it more impartially.
After assessing the situation as objectively as possible, if you still don’t agree with the feedback or are pointing fingers at others for negatively impacting your success, try asking yourself these three questions to bring the focus back to yourself:
- What mindset do I need to be in to address areas where I’m perceived to be falling short?
- If 2% of the feedback were true, what actions would I take to change the perception?
- How much effort am I willing to put in to change the undesirable perception?
Even if others contributed to the negative perception, you can only control your actions and reactions. Your reflection has to be squarely on you, your work environment, your behaviors, and your interactions with others. The quicker you can focus on yourself and accept that the perception exists — whether it’s aligned with reality or not — the quicker you’ll move past the hurt or emotional reaction to define the path forward.
2. Actively listen.
Once you’re ready to constructively dive into the information you received, reach out to various stakeholders and colleagues to express your desire to continually improve and ask for additional honest feedback. This is a time for curiosity, not accusation, toward anyone you believe may have helped shape this negative perception. Keep it simple with these four questions:
- What do I do really well?
- What should I continue doing?
- Where can I improve?
- What should I stop doing?
Once you receive their input, explain the feedback you received and ask if they can shed additional light on the perception, offer you examples, or provide better ways for you to align with others’ expectations. The goal is to listen actively and write down what’s said — without commenting, rebutting, or explaining any circumstances. Always follow up with the question, “Can you give me an example of where I went wrong and what I could have done differently?” Being bold in your curiosity and actively listening to the answers will demonstrate your self-awareness and commitment to change and growth.
3. Acknowledge misunderstandings or misbehavior.
It’s really hard to say “I’m sorry,” especially when you feel the other person also didn’t act as their best self. But saying you’re sorry and acknowledging your part in any misunderstandings or unflattering behavior can go a long way in healing festering wounds and provide instant changes in perception.
Think of it like a window: If past interactions caused the window to be foggy or dirty, then any future interactions — even positive ones — will always be viewed through the dirty window of the past. But if you acknowledge and own your undesirable behavior, then you can wipe the window clean and help the other person view your future actions in a clear and positive way.
You may even be surprised to find that the other person also apologizes for their part in the negative interaction or misunderstanding. Acknowledging the situation and your role in it, no matter how long ago it was, could be the first step to ensuring the negative perception doesn’t continue to linger.
4. Use talent development tools.
Most companies have an HR learning and development function that offers resources like workshops and self-learning tools like videos and reading materials. Look at what’s on offer to see if there are resources to help you improve your skills and behaviors.
For example, if you received feedback that you’re seen as a “bull in a China shop” when you’re trying to influence other stakeholders to accept your ideas, reviewing learning materials on how to influence without authority could change the perception of how you inspire alignment. If your company doesn’t offer these resources, consider resources like LinkedIn Learning, Udemy, or Coursera.
5. Seek support
Consult your HR business partner, find a mentor, hire an executive coach, or talk to your manager about the information you received and ask for help in identifying which areas to work on first that would make the biggest impact in changing the perception. If you have a mentor who can watch you in meetings or be bcc’d on email communications to see how you engage on projects, you can ask for real-time feedback, which will help you gauge how to pivot or adjust before the next meeting or communication.
Every few weeks, check in with your manager about their observations, and tell them what you need in terms of support for your continued growth. Demonstrating resilience, flexibility, and adaptability based on new feedback will show your positive intent and proactive approach to personal and professional development.
. . .
Learning that others’ perception of you or your work doesn’t match up with your own is unsettling, but there are steps you can take to repair it. When you make the effort to reflect, seek additional feedback, acknowledge missteps, learn, and reach out for support, you’ll foster a new perception that you’re committed to — and capable of — growth.